2013 - Favorite Memories and Moments

I’m a little late to the game… but I’ve been fighting off some crazy bug that invaded my body.  While a lot of my year had an ugly gray cloud hanging around, it’s not hard for me to remember the happy moments.  The moments that brought light and laughter, those are the moments I want to carry with me.  In the spirit of remembering and honoring some of my favorite memories and moments of 2013…

1.  Meeting wonderful, new neighbors in Phoenix on the Sunday before Christmas and being invited to their family breakfast on Christmas morning. I thought I’d arrived too soon because they were still opening gifts, they then let me know Santa dropped some things off for me too.

2.  Reuniting with my mom, best friend and lifelong family friends at Big Star Lake this summer.  My soul needed that laughter, Oberon and time on the boat. 

3.  UT Football Saturday fun with Kelly, Amber and Lolo – my heart is more full because of you three.

4.  Exploring Portland with Katie – twas the perfect amount of fun, adventure and restful sleeps. 

5.  Being chased by birds and rainstorms in NOLA.  Along with the easy, meaningful and caring conversations I got to have with two people who span 20 years in age difference and whom I both adore so much for the impact they’ve had on my life. 

6.  Vegas – Who is Bobby English Edition:  The last breakfast.  I'm convinced we need a show.

7.  Reuniting with my Gorge crew in California – My soul is forever tied to those friends.  Their laughter.  And our shenanigans. 

8.  Breakfast in bed, because it was too cold to get out from under the covers, served by my boo-friend’s incredible husband.

9.   Girls day with Kamilah and Jasmin – pool time and pedicures.

10.  Any of my evening wine, reality tv and conversations with Nicole.

11.  Hiking Red Rock Canyon with Big Whiskey.

12.  Telling the baby to “sssshhhh” whilst in The Woodlands to see DMB with Kelly.

13.   Walking in to a sold out Pearl Jam show at Wrigley Field.  That’s what a little bit of whiskey and some confidence can get ya in the Windy City. 

14.  Michigan Basketball in the Sweet 16.  Being down with 2 minutes to go, and Trey Burke banging the impossible 3 point shot to tie the game.  Thank you, Ryan for being the only Hoosier in attendance! 

15.  Wine tasting with my girls.

16.   Going away bunch, cocktails and hugs from my favorite Austinites.

17.  Laughing so hard it’s impossible to take a picture during the Kentucky Derby party.

18.   Knowing that people are thinking about you… but being reminded that they care when you get an unexpected card in the mail. 

19.  When I got home that Friday afternoon, squatted down to put Whiskey’s leash on, and she put her front paws on my shoulder and rested her head there.  She knew I needed a hug, and wanted to the first one to give me one. 

20.  My goodbye hug from Kelly.  It was that hug, in that moment, that I knew the decision I was making was right…but it was in that hug that I felt the love that surrounded me in my entire time in Austin.

Thanks for being the light, laughter and love in my life friends... you made a pretty miserable year...fantastic!

A few of my favorite (Austin) things

Dear Austin-

It’s crazy to think four years ago, I was in a similar place back in Orange County.  I embraced the situation and the timing.  I knew something better was on the horizon.  Never did I think it’d be you.  But, I’ve got to say, it’s been an incredible chapter in my journey.   You’ll always have a fond place in my heart and life… and there are so many moments, places and people that I know shaped who I’ve grown to be since our relationship started.  Someone asked me before I left what would be the top five things I would miss most about Austin.  Without further ado…

1.  Town Lake Running trail – never would I have dreamed a dirt trail would provide me so much solace, perspective, happiness and tight IT bands!!  From the moment of awe as I’d cross the pedestrian bridge and see the skyline, to running beneath the tree canopy just past the rowing dock.  Thank you for welcoming both me and my new best friend… and bringing her more joy and happiness.  Without you, she would have never learned…”Keep, right!  Keep RIGHT!  No squirrels!”

2.  There’s only one City in this world where you could see Willie Nelson, Run DMC, Dave Matthews, Green Day, Kendrick Lamar, The XX, Eddie Vedder, Ice Cube and Stevie Wonder all a year – I’m going to miss this about you, Austin.  Your ability to provide live music is directly proportional to the A.D.D. of my musical interests. 

3.  The eclectic-ness of your people is refreshing.  A sense of acceptance of all humanity exudes from your people.  Where else do you get to put all of the most conservativea politicians in the most liberal city in the state… and they get to mingle with pro-choice people, the LGBT community, and a thong wearing bicyclist, artists, musicians and beer bonging co-eds?  Everyone co-exists.  It’s possible people… it really is!

4.  The food.  My god…. The food!!  Before I left Michigan, I’d never eaten a Brussels sprout… now, I can tell you at least three places with bomb.ass Brussels.  My palate and perspective has changed because of the creative culinar-ies roaming these streets. 

5.  The acceptance of (wo)man’s best friend is something truly remarkable about Austin.  It didn’t much matter until Big Whiskey found me… but in a community occupied by a lot of very hard working, single folks… it actually means something that you can leave work late, pick up your pup and still get to meet your friends for drinks.  Everyone gets attention, everyone gets love – everyone is happy.  It seems weird to me that dogs aren’t allowed on ANY patio.  Who’s making these rules?? 

While, I’m writing about my time in Austin… and what I’m taking away from my time there, I think it’s prudent to highlight express gratitude for the a few of those who shaped me in my time in Austin.   

1.  To those really wealthy folks who I nannied for when I first arrived – thank you for showing how being out of line with your personal values will directly effect your internal happiness.  While I never understood your wastefulness of money, material items, and god-given gifts – I’m forever grateful for putting this into perspective for me.  I’m also very grateful for the beautiful handbags that were “trash” to you.

2.  To my first Internet girl friend – I don’t even know where to begin.  Thank you for being the sister I’d always wanted.  For accepting me, as I was.  For being the one I could tell my ridiculous stories to… and who wouldn’t think less of me.  Thank you for helping me train for the Austin Marathon… and running me to the finish line when I didn’t think I’d do it fast enough on my own.  Thank you for my nieces and the joy they bring to me…and who else get’s an “Auntie America” Thank you for holidays, dinners, Boxing Days and letting me be cheeky…Because… I’m definitely a cheeky little bender. 

3.  To the tall, handsome guy with a fancy title in a badass industry – thank you for accepting my random invitation to get coffee so I could hear your story.  My time in Austin forever changed when we agreed to be friends after that coffee.  Thank you for showing me true, authentic, non-judgmental, easy, fun friendship.  So many of my favorite memories include you – I know that our paths were meant to cross, because I can’t imagine my life without you in it – it’s like you’ve always been there.  

4.  To the other tall, handsome guy – thank you for keeping me in check.  For knowing what to say…and when to say it.  Thank you for your honesty, and pushing me to pursue my happiness.  Thank you for your amazing hugs.  Thank you for telling me, “people like us don’t set the bar…we are the bar!”  We’re going to do amazing things; kid… and I wouldn’t be about to do what I am without your support and encouragement.

5.  To my business partners…thank you for your friendship, inspiration, perfect timing and believing in me.  We’re gonna rock this.

6.  To all of Kitty City – thank you for being you.  We’re a motley crew of folks, but we’re neighbors turned friends.  Thank you for being there for me in the last year… when things were bad… you were the net to catch me, to pick me up.  Thank you for friendship, your amazing wine drinking abilities, your sense of community and taking care of me and my fur babies. 

7.  To my favorite mid-westie.  Thank you for all things casseroles.  For being my live music, traveling, happy houring, crawling under trains…partner-in-crime.  I appreciate your drive, to be more, do more – and the collaborative thoughts you bring to the table.  Thank you for caring for me and laughing with me. 

8.  To the one person I can tolerate being predictably late…all…of…the…time, there’s a reason we were both in nearly the same thing at the same time.  Thank you for relating, for inspiring, for listening and being honest with me.  Sunshine Market’s sales will surely go down now that we’re not tag-teaming the wine aisle.  There’s few people who could pull off walking into a sold out Pearl Jam show… you’re one of them!  Use that good fortune, to go, do and be amazing.  It’s your time to shine – I mean, what would Jeff Lewis say to you?? 

9.  To that friend I used to have, I thank you for showing me what friendship was not… so I could realize what friendship actually was. 

10.  Finally, to the person who abandoned, dropped off or lost the sweetest, cutest, most loving puppy dog – thank you for knowing that she’d find her way to a person who would love her more than she could have ever imagined.  That puppy has changed my idea of love, friendship, happiness and acceptance.  I’m a better person because she’s in my life. 

It’s been a crazy, wild, amazing adventure here in Austin.  I’ll forever be grateful for my time here, the shows, festivals, nights on 6^th Street and Rainey, the food, sunshine, the memories, the laughter and the growth.  You’re part of my story Austin… and I’m so glad that I get to brag about that time I lived in this amazing little city! 

Much love,

Anna

Refresher Course

Are you willing to give without being asked?  Are you willing to help without knowing your efforts would be acknowledged, much less appreciated?  Are you willing to go above the call of duty, without regard to what you may gain?  Are you willing to listen and not speak?  Are you willing to reach out, offer a hand, ear, shoulder or simply your time and friendship, if for nothing else because they’ve offered the same to you, and you took gladly took it when you needed it. 

Roles will always reverse.  If you’re the person who gives freely and happily, you’ll eventually find yourself in a space where you need to receive; receive the love, care and gifts of others.  Conversely, if you’re in the habit of taking or receiving the gifts of others, your character and friendship is defined when it’s your turn to give.  Are you as quick to give, as you are to receive?

Major life changes have a funny way of sifting the fluff, the unnecessary and unfulfilling out of your life.  You gain perspective – both on who you are in this world and whom those you’ve chosen to surround yourself with.  Everyone was placed in your world for a reason – it’s either you are teaching, or you are learning.  In a perfect friendship, you’re equal parts both teacher and student.  It’s those friendships that need to be celebrated.

I’ve been lucky enough to have a few of these major life changes – and I’m thankful I’ve taken what many would perceive as something negative, sad and scary and saw the good, the opportunity and the many silver linings.  I patiently waited for the lessons to come and relished in the opportunity to take my turn as the one who needed the hands, ears, shoulders, time and friendship of those who I’ve given to in the past. 

I drove through Texas, New Mexico, Arizona, Nevada, California and back to realize what I’ve learned before – I am loved.  I have developed amazing friendships with some of the most incredible people.  I guess some lessons are worth a refresher course here and there. 

In the spirit of celebrating and honoring those friendships, the way they deserve -I decided earlier in the week to cancel my going away party.  In my remaining days as an Austin resident, I am choosing to spend my time with those who have freely given to me their time, love, support, encouragement and friendship - when I needed it most.   It is those types of friendships who inspire me most and give me comfort as I embark into the unknown.  Some have been there since I got to Austin, others have been there for a few months – time, like distance doesn’t matter with these types of friends.  It’s those friendships I’ll hold tightly as I head west on Interstate 10 – because they have my back, and I know without a shadow of a doubt, each of them knows I have theirs too – yesterday, today and tomorrow. 

“Not all those who wander are lost”

In the past, great change has often been preceded by great sadness or great opportunities.  I’ve either followed my heart or my dreams.  All of those changes, almost always, involved a move – a restart – a change of zip code. 

This time seemed different.  While there has been great change in my life as of late – it’s been welcomed change.  Change that was needed to get my happy back.  Back in July, I spent some time back in Michigan and in Chicago – the trip was medicinal and therapeutic in the most simple and organic of ways.  I spent time outside and on the lake.  I put my toes in the sand and stared up at the stars.  I was able to surround myself with a few of those people who I admire, adore and cherish – those who are love me for me.  I made a vow to myself on that trip that things would change when I got back to Austin.  That I’d recalibrate and begin living for me again – which meant going after that which inspires, excites, scares and motivates me. 

I got home from that trip and was on fire.  Then, I was essentially fired. 

All of this brought up a ton within me.  I was hurt, betrayed, confused and relieved.  But deep down, I knew that this was happening for a reason.  Something better was out there for me.  Something I wouldn’t  or couldn’t see before. 

I decided that more than anything I needed to be surrounded by those who love me for me – silly, random, strong-willed, out-spoken, empathetic, outgoing and loving me.   My heart felt lost and I knew where I’d find it – and find me.  So the pup and I embarked on an adventure to California and places in between. 

Being in the car that long alone stirs up a lot.  Being with that many friends who love you, whose hugs you can actually feel when you close your eyes – brought about calmness. 

I thought I knew what I was going to do… then I headed back to Austin. 

I can’t explain the draw – but there is something in me that is telling me to go back west.  I don’t know if I belong in California again.  And if I do if it’s LA, Orange County, San Diego or the Bay Area.  Maybe it’s Seattle or Portland.  Or maybe I just need to be away from Austin.  I’m not entirely sure – but after spending a few weeks listening to the battling of my head and my heart – I decided I’m ready to embrace it.  And head west...to Scottsdale.  

I’m still going after that which inspires, excites, scares and motivates me.  And I’m excited to be working on something super exciting with some friends.  This time I’m following my heart, my dreams and my instincts.  My change in zip code may be temporary, it might change a few times still and it might become permanent – I’m finding peace with any of these outcomes.  I’m an adventurer with an amazing group of people scattered around who I love and who love me – with every stop I learn more.  More about myself, my goals and dreams and my place in this world. 

 “Not all those who wander are lost” – J.R.R. Tolkein

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Now... someone plan me a going away party!!  

Keep your head up!

It's funny how you can hear a song countless times over the course of a couple of years... and then one day you hear it and it hits you in an entirely different way.  Shortly after I got back from my Midwest Adventure - parts of my life went a bit topsy turvy.  I do some of my best thinking while I'm driving, and twice I noticed that the same Ben Howard song was playing at nearly the same spot on my way to and from one of our offices.  I stopped thinking and started listening.  Mr. Howard's song perfectly summed up where I had been, where I was and where I was about to go.

"Keep your head up.  Keep heart strong.  Keep your mind set."

Disclaimer:  Ben Howard is one handsome man...but I chose the video with the lyrics scrolling, because that seemed more appropriate.



Music...seriously, not sure where I'd be without music.  :)

Finding Home.

The last 5 months have proven to be the most challenging of my life – not because my heart had been broken, or someone had passed away, but because of the pressures in my life.  Hindsight is always 20/20 is what they say – in my rear view mirror I realize, only now, that those pressures were completely brought on by me.  I was in a position to do more, be more – but no one had asked that of me.  I rose to the occasion – I rose to someone else’s occasion by putting myself, my health and happiness behind that of someone else’s. 

I can see now, that my energies were misplaced.  I was living (and working for) someone else’s dreams – and their successes.  Often in those 5 months, I thought, “why can’t they see that without doing x, y and z  this is going to fall – fail.”  I worked crazy hours.  I rarely worked out.  I ate whatever I could find – as long as it was quick.  I went to bed late – only to wake up in the middle of the night with anxiety.  I experienced panic attacks – and I assure you this is probably the scariest thing ever – the (perceived) inability to control the thoughts you have and your reactions can be completely paralyzing and scary as hell.

Maybe it’s because I’m an only child, or because I grew up with a single mom, or because I am fiercely independent – but I was doing it alone.  I was giving and giving and it was gone.  I broke.  Tears.  Confusion.  Frustration.  I was prescribed anti-depressants.  How could I get to this point?  How did I need help?  How did I get to this point that I needed western medicine to step in and help me get through it? 

I’m not one to say I need help – need to be taken care of – but the universe always puts into your life exactly what you need, when you need it.  Friendships changed, grew, died, evolved and began in those last 5 months.  I found again those who care, at a deeper level.  Hugs were received from those whom have left a mark on my heart.  It was those hugs, those hugs that are so magnetic you don’t want to let go – that carried me through the last five months.  It was the realization that whether or not I’m happy, sad, successful, scared or angry – I’ve got people in my life that not only are ok with authentic and vulnerable Anna – that’s the me that they wish to see.  

Those pink pills probably saved me a little in those last two months.  Leveled me out.  I was able to cope with and manage the pressures, obligations and responsibilities (most of which are self-inflicted).  Through it all, I took mini vacations – to have something to look forward to – to not dwell in the unhappiness that was my present.  But through it all – all I wanted was to just go home.  Go home and have someone take care of me.   In these five months, home has been my dog’s smile, been each and every one of my neighbors, been beers in New Orleans and Portland and been pool parties in Vegas.  But sometimes you just need to go home.  Like really home. 

Back in February of 2002 I left home – my journey led to Santa Monica, Hermosa Beach, Simi Valley, back to Michigan – back to California to Orange County and eventually to Austin.  In those 11 years I have visited 3 continents other than the one I live on.  I’ve visited Washington, Oregon, Nevada, Hawaii, Montana, New Mexico, Arizona, Georgia, Illinois, DC, Virginia, Minnesota, Florida, Pennsylvania, Louisiana and Michigan – 7 of those states were in the last 4 months.  It’d been 14 months since I’ve been back to Michigan.  And it was this week that I realized that 14 months is far too long to be connected with your roots and where your soul was born.

I found me again this week.  I found me on a jetski with the wind whipping my hair so hard it stung my face.  I found me on the back of a boat, singing with my best friend.  I found me getting pedicures with two of the most amazing little girls in my life.  I found me back at Lake Michigan, Big Red in the distance; book in my hands, waves slowly rolling in.  I found me wondering how the hell those trees at my parents place got so damn tall.  I found me running around a lake, having not checked my email in days.  I found me again.

Thank you to all of you have been there for me through all of this.  Thank you for listening and letting me get back to this place in a way would only make sense for me.  Thank you for letting me be authentically me – even if I wasn’t happy with where I was at.  Thank you for your hugs, love and friendship. 

This trip home was exactly what my soul needed.

“Ancora imparo” – Michelangelo

Words are escaping me – emotions are not.  Tears slowing started rolling down my cheeks twelve short hours ago, only slowing enough to have a fragmented sleep and to eat.  There’s really no reason to cry – which tells me it’s a joyful and grateful place that the emotions swelling up from.

This past weekend was a weekend filled with laughter, silliness, deep and thought-provoking conversation, apparition spotting and adventure.  My worlds collided again and two people from my life were introduced – to one another and to something so incredibly special to me.

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He came into my life when I didn’t really know who I was, or where I was headed.  I was in my early twenties – a free spirit connected to another. Our friendship evolved from college football, beer and shenanigans to lofty goals and personal growth.  He was there waiting at one of the most powerful and defining moments of my life – waiting with a strong hug and pride for what I had accomplished as I crossed the finish line of my first marathon.

We are rivals.  Our friendship didn’t make sense to those closest to us.  But it never mattered to us. 

As we got older, our lives took us to different places.  He married a beautiful woman who he had loved before – and who accepted him for who he was, is and would become.  Which is exactly what he deserves, and what I'd wish for him.  I moved to Austin – to continue on my journey.

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She came into my life shortly before I moved to Austin.  Slightly younger than I was when I met him.  She has and still does (I think) look up to me – refers to me as her mentor.  I feel honored that my life and the lessons I’ve learned along the way are of value to her.  But somehow in those years, she’s picked up wisdom along the way that I admire.  She provides comfort and cheerleading in ways I’m sure she’s not even aware of.

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I had the opportunity to introduce these two - who I admire and appreciate for who they are – and also, for who they allow (and encourage) me to be. An old friend.  A newer friend.  Both equally important to me.  Both having been a part of my life and journey.  Both teaching me lessons along the way.  Both sharing in memories that I’ll carry with me for my lifetime.  My heart was filled up in the time the three of us shared. 

Through the sounds of the French Quarter, I stopped to listen to the voice of my heart softly telling me to cherish these moments – they’ll soon pass.  With everything that was in me, I wanted to stall the night from ending.  Methodically, taking mental notes and pictures, knowing that I can’t stop time.  With one fierce hug, I said goodbye to my friend and got into a cab with the other.  Tears slowly started making their way down my cheeks. 

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It wasn’t the goodbye.  It was the gratitude for having people in my life who really, truly get me, accept me, for who I was, am and who I will become.  Who understand me.  Who want me to succeed at life, love and happiness as much as I want to.  It was the realization that life is short and there are a finite amount of moments like these.  It was the realization that true, authentic friends are scattered around the globe and there are more out there then there are in Austin.  It was the frustration that they all can’t be in one place, together, for me.  It was the appreciation that they’re not, but that doesn’t matter – because the distance or passage of time doesn’t seem to matter with friends like these.  It was the gratitude that I have for having friendships like theirs – and the awareness that not every person walking this earth will have the opportunity to feel what this kind of friendship feels like.  It was the realization that I’m deserving of this kind friendship – I’m deserving because it’s exactly what I offer. 

Lessons are presented each and every day.  People come into our lives for a reason.  I know this.  They arrive in perfect timing.  We vacillate between the teacher and the student with one another  - in the dance of life.  

“Ancora imparo” – Michelangelo

Thank you both (and others) for lovingly accepting me as the teacher and the student.  My heart and life are more full because of your sprit, energy and laughter.  Cahcah!  And Misa - thanks for letting me be your soul sister!