Homecoming

Sometimes you know when the decision you’ve made was the right one, immediately. Sometimes you have to wait for the answer to come into clear view.

I was northbound on the 405 on Monday night and seemed to get lost in the vastness of the mega-freeway. I’d driven this stretch of road countless times over the course of the eight and half years I called Southern California home but this night it seemed way huger than any other time I drove it. Even more huge the when I first arrived in Santa Monica on a February afternoon back in 2002. What had changed? My perspective I guess. I shook off the thoughts, and continued on.

A couple of days later, I was roughly on the same stretch of freeway and found myself in this weird place of grinning ear-to-ear and simultaneously feeling like I was about to break down into tears. But I was happy. So incredibly full of happiness. I sat in that awkward state for the rest of the journey I was on -wondering what spurred this confusion of emotional expression – I mean, at the root of it, I was happy.

In the end, I decided that that too was just a case of a shifting perspective. In what I’ll consider my first time back to Southern California since I moved to Austin – I got a chance to experience the life that I walked away from – the life I spent building for the eight and half years I called Santa Monica, Hermosa Beach, Alison Viejo and Irvine home. In that time of reflection, when I was filled with happiness – I recognized now that the life I had there matters. I grew into the woman I am now – my thoughts, my opinions, my goals and dreams. Southern California molded me into the person that would eventually call Austin, Texas home.

And most importantly, it was there that I met the most amazing people, and nurtured friendships that I have no doubt will last a lifetime. I’ve said before that my “love language” is quality time – and in my visit to the Orange County and the beaches that line it – I was fortunate enough to spend real quality time with so many of the people who were there though the journey – my love cup runneth over! I am forever grateful for those friendships – it was because of these people and their support that I have so easily began building my new life in Austin. Jen asked me if I missed it there. My response was that I didn’t “miss the place…I miss the people.” But I know in my heart that no matter where I’m at, they’re all still there. And for that, I am grateful.

So thank you to the twenty people, whom I hugged, caught up with and laughed with over the course of the last five days, thank you! You’ve reminded me that my time there mattered and it mattered most because of the people whom I chose to surround myself with. And I was reminded of how much I’m loved…even when I’m 1000s of miles away.

Take note of the people who matter to you, tell them they matter because chances are, you really matter to them too.

Ms. Cleo was a psychic...

Have you ever wanted to know what the future held? I mean…if you did would it make life easier or harder to deal with? Would you try to craft your thinking and decisions around what you were told might be?

I was in San Francisco recently having a little reunion with the American side of Team USA (you may remember these people as the ones I went to the other side of the world with to Cape Town, South Africa). After a night out with the girls, and maybe a drink or five…we all decided that we wanted to go to a psychic. Yes, that’s right, not one of us had been to a psychic.

I’ll admit, I’ve always been skeptical of these people… I mean, really…knowing the future and the past of people who they’ve never met? Be serious. I went in with an open mind – sort of. “You’ll be successful… there is money coming your way… there is travel in your future… someone close to you who’s recently become distant with you – it’s not you, it’s them…they had things they needed to work out without you… someone close to you is expecting a baby, which sibling could this be?” She was on it, until she got to the sibling part. “Ok, well who in your friends or family could be pregnant she asked? It’s so strong, it’s someone close to you…could it be you?” Well, Ms. Cleo, I thought…I’m 31, I suppose any of my friends could be pregnant, but it’s most certainly not be me. She shrugged and insisted someone close to me was either with child…or about to be. That’s the only thing she seemed really adamant about. That’s the only thing that I thought could really be out of my control. I mean…I control my success, my wealth and my travel agenda, right?

“Any questions,?” she asked.

“Ummm…will I ever fall in love, get married?”

“You need to stop looking. He will find you. He will introduce himself to you – you won’t be expecting it. Be patient”

To which I think…Lady! If I’m driving around and all I need is a parking spot… how do you suggest I stop looking for a parking spot? Ugh.

I’m sure she senses my frustration with her answer – which wasn’t really an answer at all in my book. She’s a psychic, right, she knows I’m thinking this. And yes, I know in my heart of hearts, it’s not because I’m unloveable – it’s because I require a love and a friendship so great, that those I’ve encountered aren’t willing or able to provide. I’ll try my hand at this patience she spoke of – knowing that when it DOES happen (she said it would) it’s gonna be amazing and right.

In the meantime…who’s baby shower do I need to start planning?

365 days...

If you had told me a year ago I’d be living in Austin, I’d tell you were crazy. At that point, the last time I was in Austin it was 2005 and about 114 degrees. I recall the following words actually leaving my mouth after Day Three of the Austin City Limit’s “Dust Bowl”: “I’m never f$%*ing going back to Texas ever again!!”

I know, I know…harsh language. But it was about the most miserable heat I’ve ever known. I mean, I’m ok with it being 114 degrees, but not if I have to leave. Ah well!!

This last week marked the one-year anniversary of my lay-off from Red Mountain Retail Group. So much has changed in my life, that I thought it was important to recognize where I’ve been and how I’ve changed in the last 365 days.

· I followed my dream of working for myself. Hands down one of the scariest, frustrating and most rewarding things I’ve embarked upon in my 31 years. I’ve learned what works, what doesn’t, I’ve learned perservernce and how to network like a maniac. While, Shore Break Consultants hasn’t had a huge influx of clients in the last year. I’ve had a few, I’ve made some money, I’ve seen the possibilites – I just have to remember to stay the course and be patient. Good things come to those who work hard – better things come to those who follow their dreams against all odds.

· I’ve recognized the person I have become, and who that person needs to be surrounded by. Gone are the days of nonsense friendships and drama – welcome are the friendships that tried, retried, harvested, planted and new. I know that who I am is a reflection of who I surround myself with, and I’m happy that I’ve found the most amazing friends through the years. From D.C, Chicago, O.C., LA, Michigan, Norway, Seattle, San Francisco, Cape Town and right here in Austin – I’ve found the ones who make me a better person. Thank you all.

· I’ve become more patient, less planful and more fluid. The small things don’t get sweat as often. I’m more easy going. I like it.

· I’ve managed to do an insane amount of traveling – Seattle, Michigan, Chicago, D.C., San Fran, O.C, Albuquerque, and Cape Town, South Africa. I like to think this is because I’ve recognized that traveling is something that does my soul good. Being with the people I love, in the places I adore is what centers me. Traveling is something I’m not willing to sacrifice because of the hand of cards I was dealt. I did not become a victim.

· Probably my boldest move to date was relocating my entire life to the little blue dot in the big red state of Texas. I’m not sure if I really delved into what got me to Austin – so I’ll delve now. True to my Type A personality…I made a list. A list of what I wanted my life to be in the next 5 and 10 years. A list of what I wanted out of a City. I had four cities… Austin matched up almost perfectly with what I wanted in life, both now and in the future. So I threw caution to the wind. I sold nearly all of my belongings, I packed up my car and I moved. I’ve been in Austin for almost 5 months now – and had only a weekends worth of “what the hell have I done” thoughts. I love this little City. I adore the people who I’ve come across and the friendships that have resulted. I’ve learned lessons, learned my capacity, learned where my focus needs to be, what matters most, and what doesn’t matter much at all. I’m confident in the decision I made. I’m happy here. So I’m staying. I signed a lease for a new place (I was only subleasing before…I mean, what if I hated it??) and Stella and I are going to make the move to South Austin – closer to the culture, the randomness, the fun and Town Lake. I’m excited!!

Sure we always look back on years and think to ourselves how much we or life or the world has changed around us – this last year was a year for the books. I’ll forever look back at August 18^th, 2009 with a smile – it seemed like a dark day back then – but now it seems like it was the day that allowed me to chase my dreams. And chasing them I am – and will continue to do.