2012 Recap - Top 12 Lessons

Top 12 Lessons Learned in 2012

1.  You can fall in love instantly.  It can happen on the dirtiest part of Sixth Street or in the parking lot of an auto shop.  This love will forever change your heart.  You’ll see the world differently.  You’ll feel yourself grow into someone you’ve not even realized you could be. 

2.  Life can be taken at any moment.  Hug fiercely those who matter most to you, tell them you love them, that they mean something to you, that they’ve left a mark on your heart, on your soul -  for you never know when they’ll be gone. 

3.    How it was, only matters if you’re still who you were.  If you’ve grown, look ahead.  Appreciate what was, and smile at will be. 

4.  Friendships change and evolve.  Some will leave when the friendship you share with them isn’t serving one or both of you.  Sometimes you’ll find yourself re-connected with them.  Some stay for it all.  All of them matter. 

5.  It’s ok to live in the moment.  And that last minute flight to Vegas might be one of the best decisions you’ve ever made.

6.  It’s never too late to forgive -to forgive others, to forgive yourself.  Forgiveness creates a space inside of you where great things are bound to be drawn into.

7.  I have a lot of favorite people.  Some of them live close, many live in other states, some on other continents.  We don’t talk every day.  Sometimes years span between the time we see one another.  But each time, with each of these people it’s as if a moment hasn’t passed.  Each time my heart is overwhelmed by their friendship and love. 

8.  It’s ok to make a stand for your happiness – if you don’t, no one else will.  Treat yourself the way you treat others. 

9.  Take care of yourself.  Eat well.  Exercise.  Love freely and fiercely.  Take time for yourself to do the things you love.  Run.  Read.  Learn. 

10.  Surprise someone.  It makes your heart happy.

11.  Aim to see the world, people and your day through the eyes of a puppy.

12.  Be open. To people.  To ideas.  You’ll be surprised at what you see, learn and become when you’re open. 

Reoccurring theme:  Love

2012 Recap: Top 12 Favorite Songs & Shows

... Because I love me some music!  In no particular order...

Top 12 Favorite Songs

1.  Madness – Muse

2 .  Only Love – Ben Howard

3.  Mercy – Dave Matthews Band

4.  1957 – Milo Green

5.  Lucky Now – Ryan Adams

6.  Take a Walk – Passion Pit

7.  Just Breathe – as sung by Pearl Jam, Eddie Vedder and Willie & Lukus Nelson

8.  Trojans – Atlas Genius

9.  Levels – Avacii

10.  Anna Sun – Walk the Moon

11.  The Motto – Drake and Lil Wayne

12.  What you Know – Two Door Cinema Club

Top 12 Favorite Shows

1.  Avacii – ACL

2.  Eddie Vedder – Bass Concert Hall

3.  Dave Matthews Band – The Woodlands

4.  Ben Howard – ACL

5.  Willie Nelson – The Backyard

6.  Jay-Z – Made in America

7.  Lil Wayne – Austin Music Hall

8.  Bon Iver – Moody Theater, ACL Live

9.  Lance Herbstrong – The Belmont

10.  Ghostland Observatory – White Water Ampitheater

11.  Pearl Jam – Made in America

12.  The Temper Trap – Stubb’s

2012 Recap - 12 Favorite Memories & Moments

Top 12 (x3…because there have been so many!) Favorite Memories and Moments

1.  Dancing with my beautiful, silly, amazing cousins and best friend at Krystal’s wedding.
2.  Being at Big Star Lake with Sarah, the girls and those crazy Klingenberg kids!
3.  Meeting and falling in love with the cutest, sweetest and most amazing puppy, Big Whiskey.
4.   Being reunited with Team USA in Las Vegas.
5.   Each and EVERY Supper Club
6.  Realizing that love at first sight exists and is completely real and utterly inexplicable.
7.  Vallyn and Lindsay singing their hearts out to “Call Me Maybe” on the corner of West Sixth and Rio Grande.
8.  Being reunited with Shultzy and Jen on the Hermosa Pier.
9.  Asking George to adopt me.  Officially. 
10.  Having my worlds collide on the rooftop deck of Pure and be surrounded by a few of my favorites from college, Austin, Cali and a music festival in Philly.
11. Brunch and afternoon adventures with my mom and Kelly.  Actually, ANYTHING I did that included Kelly was pretty ridiculously awesome. 
12.  Watching my sweet niece, Sophie, take her first steps…on her first birthday. 

1.  Any hug from Gerald
2.   Kings cup in my living room. 
3.  White trash raves, glitter, neon and glow sticks.
4.  Tailgating for America’s best BBQ
5.  Amanda’s birthday boat party
6.  Seg-waying through Austin with one of my favorite South Africans.
7.  Eddie Vedder.  Bass Concert Hall.  Austin.
8.  Seeing Manus and getting that first hug in 3 years
9.  Stopping Adam Duritz to take a picture of him – and receiving Jen’s reply text.
10. SXSW Shenanigans.  Eskimo Sisters. 
11. Dancing my ass off at Avacii – Night 1 of ACL 2012 with Jen and Anthony.
12.  Brunch and day drinking with Holly.

1.  Everything about Philly.  Including, but not limited to Jay-Z and Eddie Vedder doing 99 Problems together.
2.  Bringing lunch, when dignity is lost. 
3.  Whiskey before 8.
4.  Being barefoot for 3 days in Zilker park and dancing in the rain and mud. 
5.  Waking up in Vegas.
6.  Anything that involves my amazing neighbors.
7.  Dave Matthews and road trippin’ with Jane, Chris and Anthony. 
8.  Birth announcements and Christmas Card/pictures in my mailbox. 
9.  All of my Californian lovin’.
10.  Getting my near daily text from Misa and Shultzy.
11. Each time I run over the pedestrian bridge and catch a glimpse of Austin, and think, “Man, I love this city!”
12. Each and every I stop and think, “I really love my life.”

And some of my favorite pictures from 2012 that go along with a few of these favorite memories and moments.

Some of the hottest asses I know!

I told you we're silly.

Brunchin' at Green Pastures.

Austin Adventures

Tailgating for meat.

Gerald's hugs.

Reunited.

Two of my favorite blonds.  On a boat.

Glitter, neon, glowsticks at our WT Rave.

The moment I looked in my backseat and fell in love.

Jeff and Duddy, love these boys!

Jen and I at a very WET ACL!

Duddy, Owen, Tots and my big brother, Manus! <3 td="td">

My family.  My Mom.  My dad.

Anthony and I at DMB

Being all touristy with Angie!

Eye Patches and Cupcake Vodka

It was exactly this time last year that I found myself in a really strange place…or “headspace” as my dear friend, Canada, calls it.  The holidays were around the corner, and I was feeling sad that I wasn’t going to be going home.  Which is strange in and of itself, because I moved away from Michigan in 2002… and rarely go back for the holidays.  But…no matter where I was, California or Texas, there always seemed to be some excitement around the holidays – either I was going somewhere or someone was coming to see me.  The year prior I had my mom in town for 10 short days just before Christmas, quickly followed by Jen and Katie being here for New Years.  That was just enough to make me comfortable with actually being “alone” during the holidays.  And I’ve never, thankfully, actually been alone on any holiday – I’ve always been fortunate to have friends to be with.  So… why was I all emotional this particular year?

No one was coming out to visit.  I wasn’t going anywhere.  Nor did I have plans to go anywhere.  I was stressed with my job situation.  I was single.  It was the perfect pre-holiday season storm to send my emotions into over-drive.

The night before Thanksgiving I babysat and on my way home, I called Lindsay…who had been out for a better part of the night and insisted that I come out for a couple of drinks…even if I was planning on running the Turkey Trot the next day.  I did.  And am so thankful that I did. 

That night, I met who would soon become one of my best friends in this city and one of my favorite people on this planet. 

We bantered about Turkey Trot.  And IF he were to run who would win.  He insisted that I take a shot of some awful cupcake vodka.  Not cool.  We stayed up late taking shoots of water (after one late night shot of Crown).  We ran the turkey trot that morning.  He beat me…but not by much.  Thanksgiving day we drank champagne and made Thanksgiving grilled cheese sandwiches.  And damnit, if you can’t be thankful for a grilled cheese, you’re crazy! 

My sad, sad holiday weekend turned into one of the most memorable…  And I found myself a lifelong friend. 

So Antonio, thank you for grilled cheese sandwiches, gypsy holidays, the Jew Ball, Christmas morning cowboy/Viking style, a newfound love of Brussels Sprouts,  borrowed pajamas, Sunday fundays, the stares, bringing a whole new meaning to watching the Austin Marathon, skinned knees, head injuries, black eyes and concussions.  Thank you for all things SXSW, I’m not sure I would have made it out the other side without you there.  Thank you for your love affair with my cat.  For late night text assults when I decide to stay in.  Thank you for still calling me… and calling me at random times of the day…for no particular reason.  Thank you for our runs…and letting me beat you.  Thank you for eye-patches, both times.  I appreciate your ease in being you, so that I could always be me.  

There is no one else I’d rather drink with at 8am …lose my ID in Houston with…see in a Viking helmet…give my cat to when I die… sustain a head injury with… or ask, you know that moment when you stop remembering, are you there?  I love you like some kind of fierce and am so thankful for your friendship and all of the silly shenanigans and crazy tomfoolery we’ve partaken in over the course of the last 365 days!

Turkey Trotting 2011

Lesson learned… you are allowed to be sad… but you have the power to change your perception of the situation, and sometimes that perception change just takes a crazy kid from Missouri and a little cupcake vodka. 

ACL weekend - 2012

Friends Christmas - 2011

How I woke up Christmas morning - 2011

SXSW / St. Paddy's Day / The Day I turned a foam finger into a koozie

Dave Matthews - Woodlands 2012

Friends with who like M's

ACL 2012 - Thank you for also for Hallie.  And Jeff.  I likes them too!  :)

  

Happy friend-a-versary, Antonio! Forever A-Team, Alpha Alpha!  Cheers to new adventures!

Lessons Learned

As I get ready to celebrate the two month anniversary of Big Whiskey being in my life I started to realize how much she’s taught me in 8 short weeks.  Here are few…

• If you ask, it shall be given.  It might not look like how you thought it might and it probably won’t happen in the timing that you’d planned…which brings me to…
• Being open to the possibilities – like really open - Be open to expecting the unexpected. 
• Love doesn’t happen by some set rules.  How it happens for you, or you, or you is probably not how it’ll happen for me.  I learned this early in the year when I fell in love with a Dutch man and I relearned it again with Whiskey.  They say, that life will keep giving you the same lessons until you learn them.  I think I got this one.
•  Shoes are things.  Bras are things.  Things don’t really matter to me.  If they matter enough they can be replaced.  Life can’t.  I chose to spend my life, money and time on those and that which I love. 
• Nothing breaks your heart more than not knowing how to help someone you love – When Whiskey ran off that day, I literally felt defeated.  She was alone and scared.  And probably in danger and there was NOTHING I could do about it. 
• Sometimes you just gotta say, “eff it!” and go play and shake and play with friends and smell asses and lick faces.  Ooooh… wait. 
• Acts of love come in the form of smiles and kisses (all over your face), as well as, in the form of waking up five times in the night to clean up vomit and diarrhea. 
• Pure happiness is found outside in the sunshine with breeze blowing across your face. Pure happiness is always found in the first face you see in the morning too.
• Everything is more enjoyable with a friend - car rides, running the trail... all things I didn't mind doing alone, but like a hell of lot more when I'm not alone!
• Always smile and say hello to strangers.  It brightens their day, and they might just need a little brightening.
• Believe that timing is everything.  Things happen not on my timeline, but that of the universes.  I always believed that I’d have a dog someday.  But “someday” had a lot of conditions on it.  Someday when I’m older.  Someday when I don’t travel as much.  Someday when I’m settled into a routine.  Someday when I don’t work as much.  Someday when I have my own place.  Someday when I have a yard.  None of these conditions mattered when she crossed my path.  This makes all of those other goals and dreams floating around in my head to be a little more soft around the edges, a little less constrained.  A little more possible.  No.  A lot more possible.

So thanks, BW!

Ps… she’s with her trainer right now, the house is so lonely without her.  Hard to believe she’s a fairly new addition.   

+52 Shows. New Appreciation. Mind Blown.

Music it is my religion.  And passion.  I was thinking a few weeks back if the guitar or the airplane had never been invented, I’d have a hell of a lot more money saved up… but my life wouldn’t be nearly as rich.  

My taste in music is pretty diverse.  In the last year, I’ve seen Little Wayne to Willie Nelson, Asher Roth to Bon Iver, Run DMC to Ben Howard and Dave Matthews to Drake. 

Back in September we went out to Philly for the Made in America Festival – JayZ was all I really cared about seeing. Because of a Block M... on a Maize hat... I met a guy whose love for Pearl Jam was as deep (maybe deeper) than my love for DMB.  He flew to Philly ONLY to see Pearl Jam.  I can appreciate that sort of intense love for a band because I can totally relate.  But no, he takes it to a whole, WHOLE new level.  Proclaiming, “It’s Pearl Jam Day!!” and going to the Pearl Jam fan meet up before the festival.  Dude really, REALLY loves him some Pearl Jam.  Now I’d seen Pearl Jam once before – at The Staples Center.  I was underwhelmed at best.  The sound was awful.  But I thought… hey, for someone to travel like this guy had… maybe I missed something. 

The second night of MIA, or as Owen called it, “Pearl Jam Day”… we met up with he and his crew.  Seeing him and his friends… grown men with real, respectable careers and stellar educations dancing around with their shirts on their heads brought a whole new appreciation to Pearl Jam.  Eddie Vedder has an amazing voice, and is damn sexy.  And oh wait, he’s playing guitar as JayZ sings 99 Problems?! 

Ok.  I’m a fan. 

Because that dancing, shirtless man told me I had to go… I drove an hour to get tickets to see Eddie Vedder play in Austin. My mind was blown away last night.  Like completely.  I’d venture to guess I’ve seen more than a few hundred artists perform – but last night was very quickly thrown into my top 3 shows of my life.  Everything was perfect.  The sound.  His voice.  The acoustics.  The commentary. The day.  The typewritter.  The letter.  The company.  

So thank you, Owen.  I wish you could have been there.  It was pretty magical…and maybe a little life-changing. 

"Feel the sky blanket you with gems and rhinestones..."

---------

And because I’m crazy and wanted to figure out how many shows I’d actually been to this year… I tried to count them up.  It gets tricky around festival times and SXSW because I feel like we stumble upon some great acts that I forget we even saw.  Case in point (or point in case if you’re my friend Tots!) my text to Bevil this morning:  “Other than Big Krit and Little Wayne, who else did we see during SX?”  So here’s my best guess at who I’ve seen in 2012.  Cra to the zee!

Little Wayne - Busta Rhymes - Big Krit - Quiet Company - Fun. - Sarah Jaffe - Shiny Toy Guns - Tyga - Asher Roth - Fab-olous - Ben Kweller - Wild Child - Marcia Ball - Bon Ivar - Rodrigo Y Gabriela - Dave Matthews Band - Ghostland Observatory x2 - The Temper Trap - The Head and the Heart - Ziggy Marley - Lance Herbstrong -Aleso - Calvin Harris - D’Angelo - Drake - Maybach Music  - Jay-Z - Pearl Jam - Run DMC - Skrillex - Jill Scott - Willie Nelson - Erikha Badhu - First Aid Kit - Delta Spirit - Ben Howard- Teegan and Sarah - A-Trak - Weezer - Florance and the Machine - Bassnectar - Big Gigantic - Polica x 2 - Two Door Cinema Club - Avicii - Red Hot Chili Peppers

Neil Young - Lera Lynn - Gary Clark Jr. x2- Iggy and the Stooges- Passion Pit - Eddie Vedder

And much love to the friends who've been there along the way... Kelly, Lindsay, Jen, Anthony, Hallie, Chad, Owen, Sarah, Chase, Amanda, Meredith, Chelsie and Stacy!

Cheers to South Africa!

I heard this again on the radio again tonight and remembered this band (Civil Twilight) is from Cape Town, South Africa.  Then I remembered that some of my favorite people on this planet are ALSO from Cape Town - coincidence?  Never!!  This one is for your T.J., Nelson and Angie... and Kirstin, Dustin and Chase... because we're honorary South Africans, yo!  ;-)  I cannot wait to see you, Ang!!  And am still scheming a way to get my butt back to the Bay to see the rest of you fools!    Love, love, love y'all!!

When Someone Else Sings...

When I was a little girl, I remember sitting in the backseat of the car... looking out the back window.  I know, I know... why didn't I have a seatbelt on?  Well, it was before we were required to wear them... which seems just silly.  Anyway... I was sitting there, looking out the back and I remember my mom turning up the radio (or was it an 8-track) and exclaimed... "It's my honey!!"

I remember either thinking or saying aloud... "If he's your honey, how come he never comes to visit me?"

I've never met my biological father, still, to this day.  But even as a 3 or 4 year old, I somehow equated "honey" with "someone you love" and equated that to "someone you have a child with."Smart girl I was.

Well, that man singing was Willie Nelson.  And for a brief moment in time I thought he was my father. Willie singing was part of the soundtrack of my childhood.  I'm grateful that I've heard him play live.

In other news... I've been on a bit of a random Pearl Jam kick since Philly.  A newfound appreciation since my high school and college days.  I heard this on the radio the other day and smiled.  I love when older artists do covers from rock bands, it makes me smile when music worlds collide.  I've posted this song before, but seeing Willie and his son Lukus sing it as a duet literally brought a whole new meaning to the words Eddie has sung and brought tears to my eyes.  Check it out - I promise it'll make you cry and immediately want to call your parents...   Good stuff right there.  This is what happens when you can appreciate the lyrics and the music.  <3 p="p">

Amanda and I at Willie Nelson this summer

Kill Your Heros

It's a crazy break from their first big hit, Sail... but I love this new track by AWOLNation.

Well, I met an old man
Dying on a train.
No more destination,
No more pain.
Well, he said
"One thing before I graduate
Never let your fear decide your fate."

Gratitude

After seeing a few of my friends posting something they're thankful or grateful for each of the days of this month so far... I've felt compelled to join in the fun.

While this exercise isn't something new to me...I actually think of five things I'm thankful for before I go to sleep at night...or in those rare moments when I'm feeling defeated, broken or just sad.

So with that ...

November 1:  I'm thankful for hotels that allow dogs.  I had to be away for a trade show over the weekend, I was happy that I didn't have to leave Whiskey behind.

November 2:  I'm thankful for my neighbors.  Such open, happy, caring spirits all living around the same old, oak tree.

November 3:  I'm thankful for sweet Sophie and being a part of her life and celebrating her first birthday and her first steps.  I'm thankful for the friendships I share with her amazing parents.











November 4:  I'm thankful for falling back, and having an extra hour to sleep.

November 5:  I'm thankful for putting myself first this morning, and spending some much needed time alone, in my running shoes on the trail.  My feet hitting the ground seems to hit the reset button in my mind.  Everything is good again.  This week is about to be amazing!

November 6:  I'm thankful that I live in a country where my voice matters.  I'm thankful for early voting.  And I'm thankful to care about the issues so much that I felt compelled to easily chose one over the other.  I dream of a day where marriage can be marriage, and not be subclassified as gay or straight marriage.  I dream of a day where women can choose what's right for themselves and their bodies, without having religion or government have a say in it.  I dream of a day where the amount of money you have or don't have affects the care of treatment you're given when you're sick.  You guessed it kids, my vote went to our Commander in Chief, Mr. Obama!

November 7:  I'm thankful that my rights as a woman will be protected for the next four years!

November 8:  I'm thankful for taking time for myself.  I spent the morning focusing on me, and my health and happiness.  It's strange how good it feels to wake up feeling rested, work out, cook breakfast, take a shower, iron my clothes and curl my hair before I leave the house.  Truly the small things... that and lunch with Kelly.  Always a bright moment in my day when I get to see his face... even it it's got a mustache on it right now.

November 9:  I'm thankful for margaritas at lunch with Stacy.  And I'm thankful for Kelly, Hallie, Anthony, Sarah, Seth, Gerald and Tolga... faces I hadn't seen in forever.

November 10:  I'm thankful for pizza and catching up with Sarah... and being asleep by 1030 on a Saturday!

November 11:  I'm thankful for Eddie Vedder.  And Owen.  And Aaron.  And spending the morning playing with my pup!

When You Ask

With my new little, far too cute friend in the back seat, I headed to see if she was microchipped or if some loser just dumped her on one of the busiest streets in Austin.

On the drive I had an internal struggle… If you put something into the Universe, and it comes to you… are you then allowed to put further conditions on it?  I mean… I was literally THINKING about getting a dog in the exact moment I drove into the parking lot that I was now leaving, with a puppy in the back seat.

Was it meant to be?

With no collar, no tags, and no microchip – I was faced with a difficult decision.  Is the time right for me?  Am I in a place where I can actually care for a puppy?... In the right physical space, mental space and space in my life.  That night it was all about her – I had had plans to go to a concert that night – I cancelled.  She was dehydrated and hungry.  She was shaking and staring at me with puppy dog eyes.  I sat on the floor with her… trying to encourage her drink water…telling her it was going to be ok.  If this wasn’t her home, I knew I’d find her a great home.

That night, my friend and I took her out to go to the bathroom – in the darkness of the front yard, she burrowed herself into the grass.  With tears in my eyes, I turned to Bobby and said, “she thinks that’s her bed!  I can’t take her to a shelter.”

Was it meant to be?

I woke up the next morning convinced things would be chewed and there would be surprises all over the floor.  Nothing.  She was still sound asleep on the blanket I had put out for her.

After the vet confirmed she was healthy, and quite possibly one of the cutest dogs he’d ever seen – I decided I was going to keep her.

I think it was meant to be…

The next morning I receive a text from my best friend Sarah…

“Well, well, well, you said you felt like you could finally love someone and Big Whiskey found you!  How does Stella feel about having a sister?”

I smile.

It was meant to be!

Hey Lady!

I’m chronicling all of this a bit out of order, but I was waiting to see how life played out – and how the pieces came together.

Nearly immediately after that 4 hour forgiveness session – strange things started happening.  I had had a match profile and hadn’t done much with it.  Hadn’t even logged in for a few weeks.  Suddenly men were sending me messaged.

I texted that friend… “How do they know?  How do they know there is room now?  What are men, little Miss Cleos and are clairvoyant?

Four days pass.

I worked in the afternoon from a  coffeeshop with a friend.  We hadn’t seen each other in awhile and I caught her up to speed on all things Philadelphia, internet dating and this whole forgiveness thing.  We left a little earlier than I thought we would, so I decided I should go run an errand and get an estimate on a car repair.

The left turn out of said coffeeshop is a bit tricky.  I turned right and drove through the neighborhood.  I pass someone walking a dog.

I think to myself, “I want a dog.”

I stop myself, “No!  You need a bigger place, something with a yard before you get a dog.”

I turn into the body shop.  The mechanic does his thing and we go inside to get an estimate written up.
He’s about to the part where he tells me it’ll be $197 to replace the car door handle I ripped off my car with my brute strength when I see a puppy run across the parking lot.  Strange.  No one else was near the parking lot when we came in.  Where’d this puppy come from.

I leave.  But decide to walk over to a clothing boutique before I get in my handleless car.

“Hey lady!! Is that your dog?” a little boy shouted at me.

“Nope, it’s not my dog,” I reply back.

I return to the same lot about 15 minutes later.

“Hey lady, is THIS YOUR DOG??” the same little boy shouts.

I walk over.  The puppy is shaking.  Scared.  And looks incredibly thirsty.

I decide that I’ll take the puppy to the shelter to see if it’s chipped.  The kids load her into my car and I turn around and see this....

“Fuck you, you’re cute!”

Forgive and Forget

A while back I had a conversation via text about a friend who was entertaining the idea of getting back together with an ex-boyfriend.

The conversation went loosely something like this:

Her:  Yea, we talked.  About everything.  Put it all out there.  We’re honest with it all.  Now we get to forgive and forget.

Me:  Wow!  That must’ve felt amazing.  To just get it all out there… be honest with him, be honest with yourself… and REALLY forgive.

Me:  I feel like this would be a good thing for me to do.

Me:  I mean, not only to forgive them.  But to really be honest with myself and forgive myself.

Me:  That’s it.  I’m going to do it.  Can we meet up this week?  I want to write it all down.  And read it.  It becomes real when I say it.

Her:  Anything you need, doll… you know I’m here for anything you need.

So with that, I decided I was going to do a serious, serious inventory of the forgiveness that needed to happen within myself, and to the people in my life…even if they were no longer in my life.  That weekend, I made a point to clear out my schedule.  I started writing on Friday night.

I wrote that night for 4 hours straight.

I started with the one person I’ve never met – my biological father.  I was three pages deep when I stopped, stared at the page and broke into tears.  For thirty-three years I’ve held resentment.  I’ve made assumptions, with no real background information.  In my mind, the last 10 or so flash before my eyes – my life and my relationships (mostly with men) have been based on what I’ve known.  The tricky part… I’ve not known much.

I knew this exercise in forgiveness was going to be tough.  It was going to be real.  And it was going to bring up the deepest, darkest and worst of my life.  Stuff I’ve squashed.  Stuff I’ve ignored.  Stuff I’ve thought I’ve overcome because I’ve someone managed.  It was all going to come to the surface.
This was my chance to acknowledge the past, my pain and hurt and really just let it go.  This was my chance to not let my past dictate my future.  It was my chance to let go of resentment and to really open that space up for something great.  Something productive.  Something wonderful.

I wrote for 33 pages.  I forgave them.  I acknowledged what I’ve learned because of them.  I forgave myself.  I envisioned how things would be different once I let that go.  I cried a lot.  But felt lighter with every new page.  The weekend passed in those 33 pages.

Monday evening I grabbed a box of Kleenex and headed to that friends house.  Four hours passed, and a half of box of tissue was filled with tears.  She listened.  She asked questions.  She told me she was proud.

When I was done, I shared what life would be like because of this forgiveness.

Because of this forgiveness, and letting going of the resentment I’ve held - I’ve created a space in myself and in my life to allow for good, amazing things.  I’ve opened myself up for love.  To love.  And to be loved.

Know when to to walk away...

Avicii - ACL 2012

Seriously... one of my favorite shows of my life.  So much energy!!

ACL - Recap

 It's never like it was before, but it's always one of my favorite weekends of the year.  Yes, I'm talking about Austin City Limits Festival.  Back in 2005 my friend Jen and I boarded a plane to what could possibly be the hottest and grossest weekend I'd ever had in my life.  I proclaimed Texas was the worst state ever, and I'd never go back.  Well, here I am.  Living in and loving Austin.  So be careful what you say!  

So here we go again!  

Some of my favorite moments:

• "Your group of friends is like a sitcom"
• "I think if you're hanging with Anthony you should start wearing protective gear"
• "Wait, what happened to your knee?"
• "Wait, is that a flip phone?"
• "I've already had a shot of whiskey and a beer... is that ok?"
• Murder Road
• Innovative bathroom situations
• "I'm to the left of the cactus' on sticks.  Come find me."
• Nicole's backup shoes.
• Game changers.
• Everything Avicci, Ben Howard, Bassnecter, Two Door Cinema Club and RHCP.
• Barefoot in the mud.  For two days.
• "There are 80k people here.  I like 12 of them."
• No cell service.  Ever.
• Imperial.  It's the only time of the year I drink it.
• Glow bracelets and rockstar glasses.
• Charging my rockstar glasses - it made total sense.  I swear.
• "This is my friend, Soy Sauce - but his parents call him Mike"
• "Anna is like my battery charger"
• "If it's after 8, text me on this number."

Lessons learned:

• This festival will never get old, but I slowly am...
• Always be prepared, with Michigan ponchos.
• RHCP have way more songs than I remembered.
• Even the best made plans can't plan for fences spontaneously being erected.
• Only surround yourself with amazing people - it makes the heat, the rain, the mud and the expensive beers worth it.  
• Music is still my religion.

ACL Fest - Jeffy Jeff and the Fun Bunch!

Thank you to all my amazing friends who made this weekend incredible.  I'm going to bed now.  Until Wednesday.  

Traditions

Pre-ACL show at ACL Live

4th ACL with this little fun-ness

Love this weekend!