It started as a necessity.

Everyone who’s ever mustered the courage to swim upstream or go against the grain, know that paving yourself a trail that serves your happiness and your joy isn’t easy.  It’s anything but.  It’s scary as hell.  It’s lonely.  And it feels like the Universe is pinching every nerve in your body. 

I don’t remember a time that I was so broke – but had this trust that everything was going to be ok.  This too was part of the lesson, I knew that.  Do I throw in the towel, when I can see the emergence of that proverbial light at the end of the tunnel?  Or do I chose to ignore the voices, the self doubt and the nearly empty checking account …close my eyes and just run in the direction of the light? 

I have to remind myself nearly every day, that the path I’ve chosen is what my heart wants and what will truly bring me the joy I’ve searched for until now.  I remind myself, that my dreams are more important to my life’s happiness than a big fat paycheck right now.  I’m making my way – in any way possible.  Jay-Z said he’s a hustla… and damnit, so am I. 

Three months ago, I bit the bullet and listed my spare room on AirBnb to get some extra money, you know… while I continue to trudge against the flow of traffic.  Please keep in mind, this spare room is something I’m proud of – it’s a place where my friends can crash if, hypothetically speaking… too much wine is consumed.  It’s a place where my friends and family from out-of-town and, most likely, out-of-state can have a space of their own – in this space I’ve come to love so much.  Since January, this space has been a space where people whom I’ve never met, drop their things, and become a part of my space, my story and my heart.

Their reasons for coming to Phoenix very as much as their ages, backgrounds, interests and hometowns…and countries.  But each of them has left a mark on my heart.  With them I have hiked, watched live-music, shared meals and wines while we shared our lives.  They’ve left me well wishing notes with a coffee, knowing I’d be up late and studying for an exam.  They’ve balanced my chakras and walked my dog.  They’ve snuggled with my cat, while I was away.  They’ve met my friends and they’ve met my neighbors.  They’ve left me a crystal, which helps to balance you in “times of transformation.” They’ve left me notes, wine and chocolate. 

With every thread in my being, I know that each of them has chosen my guest room, in this adorable house, in this charming neighborhood with both a cat and dog as permanent residents because our paths were meant to cross.  And our stories meant to be shared for those moments and beyond. 

My heart is more full because of the time each of them has shared with me.  The walls of my house and the space between share that joy and love.  I know there will come a time when I don’t financially need to invite strangers to stay with me – but I hope that my heart and my soul never tires of moments like these.

For the Wanderers, Travelers and Gypsies

In the last couple of weeks there have been a couple blog posts that have went viral on the interwebs – they struck a chord in me, because the words resonated at the core of who I am.  I related to the subject of their writings - she could have been me.  (As a point of reference, in case you want to read those blogs…the first was:  “Don’t Date a Girl who Travels.”  The second, which I think was meant to be response first, but in my opinion is nearly the same, with a positive spin on this girl, titled:  “Do Date a Girl who Travels.”)  While both of these caused me to reflect, I’ve now begun recognize and accept that I was very much the girl they were describing in their posts and there isn’t anything wrong with that. 

A few months ago marked the end of what has been a valley in my life.  I ended my time at a job that sucked the life, the passion and the happiness from me – that injected a world of anxiety, sleepless nights, medicated days and negativity.  I allowed myself to lose sight of who I am.  Someone else’s dreams shadowed my own.  I did what was “right” instead of what I wanted.  Then a suit came in, decided I needed to be out and gave me the greatest gift of 2013, my freedom. 

I think a lot of people in my life were taken aback by my decision to leave Austin and move to Phoenix – I’ve loved Austin.  I love its culture, food, people, the trees, the trails, its eclectic-ness and weirdness. I think those who’ve thought of me when they read either of the two blogs I mentioned, weren’t surprised by my decision at all.  I think they saw something long before I did – they saw me stagnant and stifled.

Phoenix has been home for nearly two months; I meet new people nearly every day.  And every time they ask me, “what brought you to Phoenix?” or “Did you move here for a job?”  Generally they’re confused when my reply is simply, “there’s really no good reason, other than, it was a good time to for a change.”  It still feels weird to say, because there isn’t a whole lot of logic to it.  But I’ve come to realize that not everything needs to make sense to those around you - it needs to make sense to you.  And sometimes you just have to trust that your heart is leading you in the direction you’re meant to go…and often means you need to quiet the voice of your head, the logical one. 

There’s really no good reason why I’m here, other than it was a good time for a change AND I’m happy here.  I feel like a new life has been inhaled.  A life that accepts and cherishes the adventurer, wander, explorer and gypsy within me.  There is a content-ness in my soul as I walk down the path less traveled and take risks and meet new people. I’ve realized that in the past when I’ve been unhappy it’s because I have stifled this part of me.  I’ve told myself (because others have told me) that I should be making X amount… or… I should own a house… or I should be setting down roots…or be married and by now, I definitely SHOULD have kids. 

I’m happy because I finally stopped believing any of that.  I’m happy to embrace the uncertainty of the adventure and the possibilities in the path ahead of me.  I’m happy that my roots aren’t confined to one zip code, but are allowed to span the entire earth.

I’m content knowing that there’s nothing wrong with being a wanderer or an explorer – it’s when you believe THERE IS something wrong with it that you lose sight of who you are meant to be. I’m content knowing that wherever I am, is exactly where I should be.*

“So never date a girl who travels unless you can keep up with her. And if you unintentionally fall in love with one, don’t you dare keep her. Let her go.” - @adizarsadias

Thank you to those of you who’ve let me go and accepted who I am.  Your friendship, love and kindred spirits have inspired and supported me through this transition and the ones before.

*I’m also happy that where I was, was not a part of the “Polar Vortex” – because y’all looked really cold with all of that ice, snow and arctic level wind chills. 

2013 - Favorite Shows

Looking back... I can tell I it'd been a over a year since my friend and fellow music lover, Pastor Bock passed away.  I can also see how much my job and my stress levels prohibited me from branching out from my go-tos.  But there were some epic shows in my 2013...shared with some pretty incredible people.  The ones in bold are my top 10.  Boom!

The XX; Austin, ACL-Live, with Kelly and Angie

Billy Joel; New Orleans, JazzFest w/ Misa

Dave Matthews Band; New Orleans, JazzFest w/ Misa 

Atlas Genius with The Neighbourhood; Austin, Emo's w/ Aaron

Milo Greene; Austin, The Parish w/ Nicole

Pearl Jam; Chicago, Wrigley Field (first set) w/ Nicole & Owen

Justin Timberlake and Jay-Z; Chicago, Soldier Field w/ Nicole

Public Enemy and Ice Cube; Austin, Stubbs w/ Aaron

DMB; Austin, 360 w/ Kelly, Kim, Jane, Aaron, Mandy, Jaime, Amber and Lolo

DMB; Irvine, Meadows w/ Holly, Jen, Diane, Sven, King, Garret and Maya

Phoenix; Austin, ACL-Live w/ Kelly and Uma

Muse; Austin, ACL with Matt & Mike

Queens of the Stone Age; Austin, ACL with Nicole

STS9; Austin, AMH with Kelly, Amber, Dawn and Kim

Kings of Leon; Austin, ACL w/ Nicole

Pearl Jam; Phoenix, Jobing.com Arena w/ Owen

Willie Nelson; Phoenix, Celebrity Theater w/ Ian

2013 - Favorite Memories and Moments

I’m a little late to the game… but I’ve been fighting off some crazy bug that invaded my body.  While a lot of my year had an ugly gray cloud hanging around, it’s not hard for me to remember the happy moments.  The moments that brought light and laughter, those are the moments I want to carry with me.  In the spirit of remembering and honoring some of my favorite memories and moments of 2013…

1.  Meeting wonderful, new neighbors in Phoenix on the Sunday before Christmas and being invited to their family breakfast on Christmas morning. I thought I’d arrived too soon because they were still opening gifts, they then let me know Santa dropped some things off for me too.

2.  Reuniting with my mom, best friend and lifelong family friends at Big Star Lake this summer.  My soul needed that laughter, Oberon and time on the boat. 

3.  UT Football Saturday fun with Kelly, Amber and Lolo – my heart is more full because of you three.

4.  Exploring Portland with Katie – twas the perfect amount of fun, adventure and restful sleeps. 

5.  Being chased by birds and rainstorms in NOLA.  Along with the easy, meaningful and caring conversations I got to have with two people who span 20 years in age difference and whom I both adore so much for the impact they’ve had on my life. 

6.  Vegas – Who is Bobby English Edition:  The last breakfast.  I'm convinced we need a show.

7.  Reuniting with my Gorge crew in California – My soul is forever tied to those friends.  Their laughter.  And our shenanigans. 

8.  Breakfast in bed, because it was too cold to get out from under the covers, served by my boo-friend’s incredible husband.

9.   Girls day with Kamilah and Jasmin – pool time and pedicures.

10.  Any of my evening wine, reality tv and conversations with Nicole.

11.  Hiking Red Rock Canyon with Big Whiskey.

12.  Telling the baby to “sssshhhh” whilst in The Woodlands to see DMB with Kelly.

13.   Walking in to a sold out Pearl Jam show at Wrigley Field.  That’s what a little bit of whiskey and some confidence can get ya in the Windy City. 

14.  Michigan Basketball in the Sweet 16.  Being down with 2 minutes to go, and Trey Burke banging the impossible 3 point shot to tie the game.  Thank you, Ryan for being the only Hoosier in attendance! 

15.  Wine tasting with my girls.

16.   Going away bunch, cocktails and hugs from my favorite Austinites.

17.  Laughing so hard it’s impossible to take a picture during the Kentucky Derby party.

18.   Knowing that people are thinking about you… but being reminded that they care when you get an unexpected card in the mail. 

19.  When I got home that Friday afternoon, squatted down to put Whiskey’s leash on, and she put her front paws on my shoulder and rested her head there.  She knew I needed a hug, and wanted to the first one to give me one. 

20.  My goodbye hug from Kelly.  It was that hug, in that moment, that I knew the decision I was making was right…but it was in that hug that I felt the love that surrounded me in my entire time in Austin.

Thanks for being the light, laughter and love in my life friends... you made a pretty miserable year...fantastic!