Intermission time!

As someone who is mega organized, and a go-getter it’s tough to realize that there is nothing that’s truly in your control.  Devin leaves tomorrow to go back to Holland.  I haven’t really heard from him since last week. 

I keep telling myself he’s busy.  He’s in the military and that means his time is not his own, and he might be working all day, and all night for days on end… and that might mean he’s not available to text or call me when I need it. 

Then there’s the side of me that is subconsciously making him like every guy I’ve ever dated, who just like a magician disappeared in the night.  But I have to stop myself and realize that he’s not like every guy.  No other guy has said the things to me that Devin has, no one has kissed me like that, or made my heart go pitter patter… so to lump him into this group of guys really is disrespectful to him.  The one who did it right, who made me feel special, important, beautiful, thought of and loved. 

Maybe he saw himself falling and had to put the brakes on – because he wasn’t ready, the timing was wrong or he had things he needed to take care of.

Who knows what’s going on – I could hypothesize all day what he’s thinking of or doing.  But what I need to do is trust, dig deep and find patience, calmness and peace around this situation. 

Because I believe there is no such thing as a coincidence… I know that I don’t have his contact information for a reason.  I know I’ve given him and this situation an authentic and vulnerable Anna.  One who is ready to love so hard that the hurt doesn’t even faze me.  An Anna that trusts that if this love story is meant to be, it will be – but it can only be if he’s consenting to it too.  And it can only be if we’re both wanting it at the same time.  While I feel like I’ve known him forever, there are so many things I don’t know – I know that for a time he was on the same page, because he said it. 

I know that I’m more than thankful that he and those adorable dimples walked into the wrong bar.  In less than one day, he showed me passion, excitement, respect, consideration, humor, vulnerability and love.  He taught me that instincts are usually worth following, that hearing your heart isn’t always easy but is always worth it.  He showed me that love at first sight is possible – that I’m less stuck in my ways or my life – that for the right person, I’d be willing to pack up a few things and head off to another country.  He showed me that my “type” was so far away from what I thought it was.  And that sometimes, it’s the things that can’t be seen, that can only be felt are the most important things in life.  So thank you Devin, I wasn’t sure love was ever going to be in my cards – and now I know can be, because it is.  For whatever reason he was brought in to my life, I’m thankful and I do love him. 

Obviously, this new found romantic in mean believes that this isn’t the end of the story… merely the intermission.