“Be happy that it happened, not sad it’s over”

Life is funny how it works sometimes. Dr. Warren says we’re perfectly compatible. And who’s to doubt him, right? Certainly not me! If I could have made a list of what “he” looks like, he would’ve fit the bill. Strong willed, active, handsome, educated, funny, drives a truck, loves his family…all the way down to the blue eyes. And with that, I pushed forward, odds stacked against me.

Something in Dr. Warren’s equation was off when it came to the two of us. We’re a lot a like. So much so, I believe it’s precisely why we spent days agitated and unhappy – neither of which is inherent to either of our personalities. We were not yin and yang. We were yin and yin. Both fighting to be right, to be heard and to be seen. Acting on the unspoken perceptions of what we thought the other was thinking, doing and being. Both running against solid, doubly reinforced concrete walls. Both trying, and growing frustrated when our efforts failed again and again.

All of it reminded me of that sphere-shaped toy, with the shaped holes and same shaped pegs. We weren’t putting the matching peg to the matching hole. Frustration clearly ensued. Lots of it. But we tried. I honestly believe that we both gave it the “old college try.” For that, I’m grateful. I’m grateful for having met him, for the comfort he gave me in speaking my truth, for the experience, the journey.

As I left New Mexico that Saturday morning, I couldn’t help but be sad. Hardly ever are goodbyes, goodbye, right? Sure, there is a part of me that isn’t ready to march on…because to me, it means that my daily talks and text with him may cease entirely. My days, look different without him a part of them. But there is larger part of me that has so much respect and adoration for the man that he is, that I want him to be happy, healthy, loved and successful. I’d like to believe he feels the same way about me. Unfortunately, knowing this doesn’t make it any easier. But the journey was worth every second of it. I know that I’m a part of the fabric of his life as much as he is now a part of mine. Everything happens for a reason, and while sometimes life allows you to see those reasons, sometimes you just have to appreciate it, even if you don’t understand it.

And on the drive home, guess what I saw? A sliver moon.